Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
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