Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
