I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
