Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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