I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
