The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
