I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
