I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
