Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
