Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
