Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
You ever have a fart follow you around?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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