the new term for farting is butt boxing.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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