so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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