Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
