In the future we'll all be gay
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Randomize
