i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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