Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
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