What did we do last night that was yellow?
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
