Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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