I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
