You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
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