Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
