I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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