btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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