I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Randomize
