Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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