In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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