i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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