I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
