Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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