i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
We just shotgunned beers for America
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
