DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
