At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
