it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
