guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
