i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
