Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Randomize
