My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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