Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Randomize