Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
