If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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