I wannas sexs uuuuu
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
