I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
3pm strippers are depressing
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
