I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
