I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
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I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
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You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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