i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
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