I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Randomize
