apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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