We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
