The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
