the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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