I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
