Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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