She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
