It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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