Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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