My sheets look like a crime scene.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
