my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
