even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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