Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
