I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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